IF YOU COULD CHANGE THE END OF A BOOK....

You know when you read a book and the ending leaves you...
stunned?
happy?
sad?
in tears?
angry?
emotional?
lost?
confused?


Do you like/hate cliff hangers? Do you like fairy tale endings? Do you want the boy and girl to get together? 


I'm curious - If you could change the end of any books, which would you change? In the comments, name the books and the authors! And don't just name current books - give me some classics as well. 


BUT KEEP IT SPOILER FREE! Please don't add a lot of details about how you would change the ending so we don't spoil it for those who haven't read the books yet. You wouldn't want to say "I'd never have Edward and Bella get married in Breaking Dawn!" DOH! (ok, i think we all know they get married so that's not a spoiler.) But y'all know what I mean. 


Here are some of the ones that come to mind for me -Current and Classic (and there are a ton more):
ROMEO and JULIET, Shakespeare
FORBIDDEN, Tabitha Suzuma
OF MICE AND MEN, John Steinbeck
WUTHERING HEIGHTS, Emily Bronte
BEFORE I DIE, Jenny Downham
and remember LOVE STORY, Erich Segal 


Sooooo - Please tell me in the comments WHICH BOOKS WOULD YOU CHANGE THE ENDINGS TO IF YOU COULD!

This Post Is For TEENS!

Today, I'm asking teens to give me their opinions. 


It's a fast, anonymous survey to find out about teens and friendships with the opposite sex. 


Click the link below to go directly to the survey. 
Thank you for participating. Remember, it's totally anonymous!


XOXO Lavender Girl

CLICK HERE:
 TEEN FRIENDS/RELATIONSHIPS SURVEY

To you...

My Dearest B,

Yours,

A

More excerpts. Thanks for your comments on the last ones. Twitter: @xolavendergirl
I should also note that these are unedited pages so they haven't been edited or polished yet.

ADAM'S POV

“Are you going to Mason’s party tonight?” She asks.

“Yeah. Should be fun. I wish you could go.” I hate not having her with me at these parties. “I need a designated driver.”

“Oh shut up,” she reaches over to smack me. “You better not. Seriously, Adam. Be safe.”

“I’m fine. I’m taking DeShawn and the new guy. That guy I was telling you about. Beckett. He doesn’t drink.”

She frowns at my smirk.

“You like him, huh?” She asks. “I heard he’s a stud,” she says with a mouth full of noodles.

“Oh yeah? From who?”

“My dad. And Carter. I guess they saw him at practice or something. And Dad was telling me about the newspaper article. Carter says Claire’s gonna be all hot for him.”

I laugh. Probably so.

“I have to go,” I say after another hour has passed. I hate leaving her – alone in the hospital. I’d stay all night if she’d let me. “Do you need help with anything before I leave?”

She points to her hairbrush so I hand it to her.

Brynna attempts to brush her hair but can’t get her arms up high enough to brush her hair in the back. The bandages and her sore muscles will not yet allow full range of motion in her chest. After a minute of struggle, she shrugs and throws her brush on the tray table.

Don’t do it, Kensington.

I pick up her brush and sit down on the side of her bed.

And you do it. You’re so dumb.

“Sit up.”

Brynna pulls herself up. She smiles a timid and somewhat embarrassed smile.

“C’mon, turn that way.” She turns away from me.

I pull all her hair behind her head so it falls down her back. It is so soft and beautiful. The first thing I do is smell it.

Brynna leans back. “Did you just smell my hair?”

Embarrassed, I say, “Uh…maybe. But just to make sure you don’t stink.”

My left hand takes a section of her hair and my right hand glides the brush through the hair. She relaxes in my arms. I do this section by section until I finish brushing all of her hair. She hands me the hair tie and instructs me on how to hold all the hair together with one hand, loop the tie around and pull the hair through to make a ponytail. It’s not perfect but it works.

It doesn’t matter to me how her ponytail looks because Brynna McKay is always beautiful.

I let her hair slide through my hands one last time because I know I have to give her up in a few minutes.

“Okay, now you don’t look so disgusting.” She knows I’m joking. She doesn’t know that the grosser I pretend she is, the more it keeps us just friends. I hand her the little mirror from her table. She holds it up and turns her head right, then left.

“Ohhh, it looks cute. You did a good job.” She turns around and hugs me. I give her a hug and release her. Not because I want to, but because I have to.

Brynna touches my hand. It almost stings. I fake another smile.

“Okay. Well, I’ll see you later, Frankie.”

“Have fun tonight. Call me later?” She asks.

“Sure.” And I will. Because it’s what I do.

“And Adam?”

I stop at the door.

Her green eyes open wide. “Be careful. Promise?”

God, I love her.

I nod and try to appear casual. “Yeah, sure. No worries.”

It’s all a game – a show, really.

‘Till I get in my car and my real feelings come out.

And they do as my fist slams the dashboard.

One day, I’ll tell her. I will.

Just not today.

**************************

BECKETT'S POV

“Brynna.” That’s all I say. I clear my throat. “Are you jealous?” It comes out sort of weak, which sucks, because I wanted to sound all bold and in charge.

“Just please get out of here,” she pleads.

 “I can’t believe it. You are jealous of your sister. Would you rather be the one kissing Adam? ‘Cuz if so, there’s the door.”

I reach over and open her car door.

Okay, now I’m actually pissed off.

She yanks her door shut.

“Beck, no, I’m not jealous. I’m just, I don’t know. It’s just that it’s Adam and its Adam and Claire – TOGETHER. It’s grossing me out, that’s all. It’s like seeing siblings kiss,” she says, trying her best to come up with some logical explanation for her outburst.

She grabs my arm. “Go, please. Just go. Somewhere.”

“Fine.” I start the car, slam it in reverse and turn it around.

“Okay, Brynn. Where do you want to go? Somewhere to clear your head of your jealousy?”

I have no idea where to go but a few miles down the road, I see that dumb birdhouse mailbox. I turn onto Stargazer Road and park the car.

“Beckett, I…” she pauses. Don’t say it.

“Stop,” I tell her. “Hold on a second.”

I have to think how I am going to say what I want to say. Her head hangs low. She feels bad and I’m glad. I want her to feel like crap. Sort of.

“Okay. So,” I start. She looks sideways at me. “Here’s the thing. I won’t compete with Adam. You have to make a decision, Brynna. And it may not be because you like him, you know, more than a friend. But I can’t spend my time fighting for your attention. I can’t do it.”

“Can’t?” She asks.

“I won’t do it. Not because I’m a jerk, either.”

“But me and Adam, we’re--”

“Brynna, I don’t want to take that away. I know what you have. I just can’t compete for your lov…” I stop myself before I say something I really don’t want to say.

Her eyes widen.

“What I mean is, Adam has been everything to you for so long. But now, I want to be that guy for you. And more. I want to be more. I want to hug you when I want. I want to kiss you when I want. And I don’t really care how he feels about it. I like you. A lot. I’m sorry if that doesn’t work for him. But you need to choose, Brynna. Not between me and him. You need to choose whether or not you can handle it. ‘Cuz you’re gonna have to let me in if you want this to work.”

She doesn’t say anything. She knows I’m right.

“I wanna be your,” this is going to sound so stupid, “I want to be like your lavender. You know? I want to make you happy. But if it’s gonna be a tug of war with Adam every day, I won’t do it.”

She smiles. Big.

“You…you want to be…my lavender?”

“I know. That’s so dumb. I just, I like you, Brynna. And I--”

I don’t finish because she’s kissing me. And I’m okay with it. I guess I forgive her. Maybe it’s okay if she is a little jealous of Claire. This is kiss is pretty good.

(this scene flows into Adam's scene - where he is waiting on Brynna's doorstep for her...)

ADAM'S POV

 I do...

The unthinkable.

I sit on the doorstep and wait for Brynna to come home from her date. Claire is long gone, inside the house. My tie is off, my cummerbund is off and my shirt is untucked. My shoelaces, however, are perfect.

Beckett’s car pulls up the driveway and parks in front of the house. I hear him get out of the car. He opens the door for her to get out. They are laughing. They walk around the corner and Brynna freezes when she sees me sitting on the front step. Beckett rolls his eyes in dramatic form.

“Hey,” he says coldly. “What are you doing here? I’m returning her on time, if you’re worried about that.”

Ignoring him, I look at her.

“What are you doing?” She asks. “Where’s Claire?”

“She’s, uh, inside. I guess.”

“Okay, well, goodnight,” Beckett says. TO ME.

Of course I don’t move.

“Dude, Adam, what’s your problem?” He’s getting pissed. I don’t blame him. He turns to Brynna. “This is what I’m talking about. I can’t do this. I’ll just call you tomorrow. It WAS a good night.” He leans down and kisses her on the cheek.  When he starts to walk away, she runs after him. I can’t see them, but I hear them. She is apologizing – for me, I think. They are talking, quietly, and then they are not. Which means they are probably kissing or something. I know I ruined her night but I can’t help it.

Brynna rounds the corner again. She looks at me, sighs, and then sits down next to me.

“Adam,” she whispers. “What’s going on? Why are you here? I mean for real?”

“I didn’t want you to see that. I shouldn’t have done that. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

We sit in silence for a couple minutes.

“It’s just…sometimes…” I say.

Then there is silence.

“Sometimes, I just feel lone…”

Silence again.

“Brynna, I just sometimes wish I had a girlfriend or something. You know?”

“Adam, if you want a girlfriend so bad, you need to go out with girls. I don’t care. Go out with them.”

Whoa. What’s with the attitude?

“Don’t you get it? I mean, why are you here, waiting for me? You should be with Claire.” The way she says her sister’s name is almost embarrassing. “What is the deal with you and her, anyways? Are you guys like a couple or something? Did you, like, have sex with her?”

“WHAT?” Is she serious?

My head is a mess. My heart is a mess. I love Brynna so much but visions of Claire keep flashing through my mind.

“Well?”

“No, I didn’t have sex with your sister. Jesus, Brynna. Seriously?”

“I don’t know. I mean you two were all over each other in the car.”

Tonight was an epic fail. I blew it with both McKay girls. The only two girls…I’ve ever loved.

“Go easy, Brynn. Geez, did you see your sister tonight? She was stunning. I’ve never seen Claire look so beautiful. And she paid so much attention to me, you know, like a girlfriend does to her boyfriend. Like you do to Beckett. It felt nice. I can’t explain it.” I do not know why but I feel a little ashamed. “Yeah, I kissed her and it felt good. Really good. I mean, Brynna, I never go out with girls. What’s the big deal if I kissed her? I never get to kiss girls. I should be allowed to kiss girls, you know? Can’t I just be a normal guy for once?”

Brynna rubs her forehead. She looks a little annoyed with me.

“Adam, who says you aren’t allowed to kiss girls? I wish you WOULD kiss girls. Go ask girls out! I told you to ask Casey out. It just shocked me to see you and Claire all over each other, that’s all. But if you two like each other, hey, more power to you.”

Damn it.

“And for the record, Adam, you DO kiss girls. I’ve counted all the girls you’ve kissed in your lifetime. So if you can’t remember, I’m happy to provide the list.”

What the hell?

“What? You keep a list? Why do you keep a list of everyone I kiss?”

“I don’t. I mean I used to. I mean I don’t. Not anymore.”

“Why? Tell me, Brynna.” Oh my god. I have chance. I. Have. A. Chance.

“No reason,” she mumbles.

“Tell me, Brynna. Say it.”

“I already said no reason.”

“Yeah, right. I can’t believe you actually keep a list of girls I’ve kissed. That’s ridiculous. And what’s more ridiculous is you can’t tell me why.”

“NO REASON!”

God, she frustrates me. Like banging my head against a wall.

“Brynn, can’t you just be honest with yourself for once? I mean, I get it if you don’t want to be honest with me, but Brynna, at least be honest with yourself.”

She laughs. “Adam, I am being honest. There really was no reason. I guess I just thought it was funny. And I started it in seventh grade when you kissed Stephanie Taylor. No biggie. It’s not like I detailed it out over the years. I mean, I don’t really even know where it is.”

“Well, I haven’t kissed that many girls. I’m usually too busy being your sidekick!”

“Sidekick? Ha!” She scoffs. “Stephanie, Julia -Jules, Isabel, Patty, Lynn, Kimberly, Jen, Joey – that volleyball girl, Katrina – I mean Kitty, Melanie and her twin, Marney, Madison, Karly, Janelle, Isabel –again.”  She rattles off names in perfect order. She really does keep a list.

*************************

BECKETT'S POV (funny scene...paradise)

When a large enough table becomes available, our whole party sits down. The conversation turns to Friday’s game. I enjoy Carter’s verbal replays with Mr. McKay and my dad. Bailey is annoying the crap out of me the way she keeps smiling a big weird smile.

Our parents are talking about stupid stuff so I take the opportunity for myself. I lean over and whisper, “Did you really say that?”

Brynna coughs. She’s suddenly interested in the conversation. With our parents. And it’s so much fun to distract her and make her uncomfortable.

Brynna drops her napkin and reaches down to get it. Of course, I, being the gentleman that I am, reach down at the same time to retrieve it for her. Our heads meet below table level, and she says, all sexy-like, “Let’s go make out in your car.”

I lift my head so fast I smack it on the table.

“Ouch!”

Carter laughs. Claire laughs. Our parents look at me like I’m a nut job. Brynna rises slowly.

“Oh, are you okay?” She smiles. “Did you say you forgot something in your car?”

Oh my god!

So everyone is talking and I’m trying to keep up with the conversation but Brynna is killing me. She is giving me these looks. I have no idea what happened to her tonight, but she’s like a crazy girl.

Her dad asks me a couple of questions and in the middle of my answer, I feel Brynna’s hand. On my thigh. I mean, c’mon Brynna, it’s YOUR DAD.

“Uh, what was I saying?”

Mr. McKay looks at me. “What do you mean? You were talking about 3^rd quarter, when you ran that ball in. Fifty yards!” He whistles. “That play was damn good.”

I’m trying to answer him but all I can think about is his daughter’s hand near my private parts.

I flinch and try to act as normal as possible.

“Oh right. It was easy. I had an opening.” I have to sit up a little to get myself back into the conversation. Breathe. Deep breaths. Okay.

“You had an opening? Really?” Brynna asks. Her hand moves higher. To my upper thigh. My…upper, upper thigh.

“Yep,” I squeak.

I take a couple of deep breaths and question whether I should sit back and do nothing (enjoy) or smack her hand off before I get too excited – a little late.

“So, the opportunity arose, and you went for it?” She asks.

I look at her. Her fingers walk higher up my leg until they have nowhere else to go.

“Uh, I…I…” I can’t form words with my mouth.  

So, so, so turned on. And she knows it.

My mother is now talking to me and Brynna’s hand is both distracting and amazing.

“Beckett, darling?”

“Huh? What?” Is someone talking? All I know is Brynna’s hand is dangerously close to PARADISE. She is being such a tease. Either do it or move your hand, girl.

My mother looks at me. “I asked how you did on your chemistry exam.”

Brynna’s fingers finally slide down.

WELCOME TO PARADISE!

Ohhhh gawwwdddd.

I slide back in my chair a little. I’m not sure, but I think I just moaned. Not good. Ohhhh, so good.

“Yes, Beck, how was it?” Brynna asks. She has a smug grin on her face while her hand rests On. My. Crotch.

I look her right in the eyes. “It felt greeeeaaaattt.”  I sigh in complete satisfaction. My world revolves around one thing right now: the location of her hand.

“Excuse me?” My mother says. “Your exam felt great?”

“What?” I ask.

“Beckett? Your exam?” Mother asks.

“What exam?” I sink lower in my chair. Oh please. Just give me two minutes. Seriously. That’s all I need.

Brynna laughs. “So your examination felt great?”

I look at her. And can’t breathe.

“Beckett, are you feeling okay?” My mother asks.

Oh, right.” I lean forward to grab my soda but knock it over the table instead – unsteady hands. “I meant, I felt…great…about…how I did…on the test. Can I have this?” I grab Brynna’s soda. Brynna removes her hand from paradise and drops her napkin on the stained tablecloth.

“Can we talk about something else?” The soda burns because I’m gulping so hard.

“Hey Daddy?” Bailey says. “Beckett and Brynna are in love and they want to get married!”

“Sssssspppppwwwwaaaaa!!!” Brynna’s 7-Up goes flying out of my mouth all over the table. “Ouch,” I exclaim after I take a hit to my shin from Brynna’s foot.

Our parents. Oh god, our parents.

“No way! Did you propose?” Claire belts out. Carter starts laughing.

“What? No!” I look at Mr. McKay. “No! I swear.”

Brynna starts laughing.

“It’s not funny,” I say to her. 

*****************************

Okay, cuz I know y'all are rooting for Adam...I figured I'd add what makes Beckett so amazing. Key facts to know ahead of time: i'm not telling you where this is in the story so don't try to predict and don't think this is the end/how it ends. Carter is Brynna's twin brother. And, Beckett HATES his mother - and his mother has never been particularly fond of Brynna.

BECKETT'S POV

When I enter the room, I hug Mrs. McKay and then everyone leaves. I am alone with my lavender girl. I don’t know what to do so I sit next to Brynna’s bed and take her hand in mine. 

“Brynna, I’m here.” I pull her hand to my mouth to kiss it and hold it to my cheek. Her leads and wires are all tangled so I rearrange them and straighten her sheets, like I’ve seen her mom do so many times before. She has IV things connected everywhere – one in her left hand and one in her right arm. Her right hand is bruised and bandaged, as if they tried to start IV’s all over it. The tubes run from each arm to a metal pole, connecting first to a machine at the base of the pole. Two bags of liquid hang from hooks at the top of each pole. The breathing tube is taped to her mouth and the vent machine is making soft but consistent puffing noises. I can see the rise and fall of her chest.

Carter comes back into the room. “I’m just getting my stuff. Sorry.”

His presence doesn’t bother me so I continue talking to Brynna. “I am so, so sorry. I just, last night, on the phone, when you broke up with me, I didn’t know what to do.” I stop to wipe my face. “Brynna, I can’t live without you. I can’t. I just…can’t. Do you hear me?”

I carefully wrap my arms around her fragile body. “Brynna, I made you a promise. I am going to paint the sky lavender for you one day. You’ll see. I’m gonna be your guy.”

Carter stares at me for a minute. He wipes his eyes and then walks out the door. I see him through the glass – he is crying. His sister is hugging him.

“You have so much life ahead of you, Brynn. You’re so special and so,” the words are choking out of me. “so amazing.” I can barely speak because I am crying. 

Silence.

“Don’t you fucking die on me, Brynna. I can’t do this without you. I mean, I don’t know what I will do for the rest of my life without you. I’m only eighteen. I can’t lose you. I won’t recover, Brynna. I will never recover.”

I have to grab one of the little hand towels from the drawer next to her bed because I am such a mess. It is time to get on my knees and pray.

“Oh my God, please. Please, God, I am begging you. I will do anything. Please let her live. Please? I don’t even care – give her to Adam. They can be together. Anything. Just let her live. Or take me with her. Take me right now. If she’s gonna die,” I stop to wipe my face and catch my breath because I am crying so hard. “Please take me with her. I can’t do it without her. I can’t.”

“Sweetheart?” The voice comes from behind.

It is my mother. I am on my knees on the floor next to Brynna’s bed. My mother gets down on her knees next to me. She wraps her arms around me and holds me. Tightly.

And I bawl.

In my mother’s arms.

“I’m here, honey.” She lets me cry.

“Mom,” I choke. “Mom, help me. This hurts so bad. What am I gonna do?”

“Shhhhhh,” my mom says as she rocks me.

“I can’t do this, Mom. I can’t.”

“Beckett, darling, look at me. Look at me.”

I look up at her face. She has been crying as well.

“Beckett, calm down. Look at me.”

I catch my breath and focus on her face.

“You have to be strong. You have to have faith.” She runs her hand across my face to clean it. “Brynna is a strong young woman. And you both share a special love that’s worth fighting for. But you have to have faith, honey.”

****************

and cuz i love adam. i do. i do. I leave you with...

ADAM'S POV

Without thinking, I slide my thumb across her lower lip.

Brynna remains absolutely still.

My finger runs across both her lips. She inhales and holds her breath as I do this.

“Brynna,” I whisper. I lower my hand but her hand pulls mine back up to her mouth. Her eyes close and her lips press together against my fingers. My heart is thumping so hard she can probably feel it.

There’s a battle going on in my head and heart right now.

I want to kiss her. Just once in my life. I want to feel her lips on mine. So bad.

But...

I felt like adding excerpts. Why not? That is all.

Okay. so I haven't posted any revised excerpts in a while. I feel like posting some. I am going to remove some of the older excerpts as well. So...here you go. Hope you like.

Dropped into a scene - Brynna and Adam talking about something. She asks him a question and he's not really interested.

ADAM'S POV

“Am I supposed to be interested in this?” 

My empty carton makes it into the garbage can – via my free throw.

“He shoots; he scores!” I wave my hands in the air like I’m a National Title Champion or something.

She smacks my arm. “Yes, you’re supposed to be interested in my heart.”

“Why? Is there a quiz afterwards? What do I get if I pass?” I know what I want. “Why should I know this stuff?”

“You should know this ‘cuz you love me.”

Freeze.

“What?” That last piece of Kung Pao is now caught somewhere between my throat and my stomach.

“You heard me. I’m your best friend and you love me.”

Yes, Brynna. I love you. But…

You mean as friends.

And I mean…love, love.

I am in love with my best friend, Brynna McKay. It’s stupid. Trust me, I know.

I totally go out with other girls so I don’t blow my cover. Well, maybe every once in a while. Okay, rarely. But that’s because I’m always with Brynna. And these other girls - they aren’t Brynna. They’re like fillers. Stand-ins. Would-be’s. It only works until I realize I can’t deal with them or they realize they can’t deal with my obsession with Brynna. Then it’s sayonara city and I’m back here. In my room. On my bed. Alone with Brynna.

********************************
The infamous kiss scene when Beckett drives Brynna home...

BECKETT'S POV

Oh, this is not good. I mean it’s good but it’s not good because I know we have to stop. I don’t want to stop. Ever.

I pull back. Brynna opens her eyes and we look at each other. We are both practically panting. She pulls my head towards her again.

My head is spinning. I feel like I am going to explode. I try to pull away but she leans in closer. She kisses like she has never kissed before and kissing me is the only reason to live. She grabs my shirt behind me and holds me like she’s falling from the sky and I’m her parachute.

Her urgency…

Is so hot.

My lips slide from her lips to her cheek and then down her neck. Her shirt moves off her shoulder a little so I kiss her shoulder. For a few seconds, I forget all about her surgery. My hand automatically moves up her chest. She draws back, pushing my hand away gently.

“I forgot.” (Kiss) “Sorry.”

“S’okay,” she mumbles.

We lean her way and knock over the drink that was in the middle console, spilling my root beer everywhere.

“Your drink,” she tries to say between kisses.

“Dontcare,” comes out as one word.

“But (kiss) your (kiss) car (kiss) is (kiss) so (kiss) clean.” I’m not allowing her to talk.

“I’ll get a new one.”

She sits up.

“You’ll get a new car?”

“A new drink.”

She leans over to kiss me again. 

***************************

The date...

BECKETT'S POV

Brynna pulls a syringe out of lavender box. She yanks the cap off and bites the handle of the syringe in her mouth to hold it. She undoes her jeans a little (huh?) to reveal her lower abdomen – which is peppered with blue and purple bruises. “It’s a strong blood thinner. The shots make me bruise easily. Gross, I know.” I feel so strange, like bad for her. She takes a section of her tummy between her thumb and pointer finger of her left hand, grabs the syringe with her right hand and jabs the needle in. She pushes the medicine in slowly and then pulls the needle out. Then she caps the syringe and tosses it and the pill box back into her purse. “Sorry. It’s so gross,” she apologizes as she buttons her jeans back up.

I am speechless.

Then: “You’re so brave.”

It sort of slips out.

“No, I’m not. Really, I’m not. Where were we?” She moves down and pushes me down next to her.

"Do you feel good?” I mean she looks like she feels good but what do I know?

“I usually know if something is going on if I’m, like, unusually tired or getting tired more often. Sometimes I can tell if my oxygen levels are slipping if I start to cough a lot. Everyone is different but for me personally, my biggest indicators are weight loss, an unusual cough and my oxygen saturations. Like I’ll lose a few pounds for no reason. Oh, and my SATs go down.”

“Um, sats?”

“Short for saturations. We just shorten it: SATs, not the initials but the word. Um, oxygen saturation is, um, it’s, like, the amount of oxygen the blood is carrying or something like that. I kinda think of it as how well I’m able to breathe and how well I’m getting oxygen. But really, all I try to remember is the number. I have this monitor at home. I usually run around 95%. I kind of know there’s a problem when my SATs start trending below 93%. I for sure have something going on if I am trending below 90%. A normal person runs at 100% - like you would be 100%. We can test you when we get home.” She rolls her eyes in embarrassment. “Oh, like that’s fun. I’m the best date you’ve ever had. Sorry.”

She is so cute. Oxygen saturations. She wants to check my oxygen saturations. Hot, very hot.

“No, god, I always do that on dates. I bring that machine with me. Brynna, if you want to play doctor, you just have to ask.” 

************************

Homecoming.

ADAM'S POV

I hear her heels clicking each step but I ignore the sounds and continue to talk to Mason.

When Beckett steps closer to the bottom of the staircase, I know Brynna will soon be in full view. I know it is time for me to avert my eyes.

I have seen Brynna dressed up but never for something like this. I don’t want to see her right now. I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it. I’m not prepared to see her like this, especially in Beckett’s arms. So I lower my head and look to the floor to avoid looking at her.

But I am weak. Without lifting my head, I raise my eyes.

My first view of her is her foot, being gracefully and carefully placed on the lowest step. I’ve never seen the shoes she is wearing. They must be new. So, so sexy. They are covered with sparkling crystals and have super high heels. I swear they look exactly like those Christian whatever his name is shoes she’s always showing me. The ones that cost three grand.

God, her legs are sexy. So long and lean. Dancer legs.

And then her dress. Lavender, of course.

It’s shiny and sort of swishes all around every time she moves.

I’m drawn to her chest. It’s the first time she’s ever worn something so revealing. Her scars are visible to the rest of the world, but to me, they are invisible. They are Brynna. As I’ve always known her. The scars do not at all detract from the lovely feminine curves that lay directly under the dress. The straps are thin and cling to her shoulders, which look like they have been dusted with some kind of silver sparkly stuff. Even her shoulders are beautiful.

Her lips are as glossy and totally kissable but her smile is timid. Her gorgeous copper hair is pulled up and special crystal clips project rainbow lights whenever she moves. She looks at the bottom step to make sure she is on safe ground, and then she looks up at Beckett. Her green eyes search him for some sort of response, as if to ask if she looks pretty enough. The look on his face answers her. I’m sure mine does as well. Brynna pauses for a second and then walks into the room.

Beckett steps back and almost loses his footing.

Then.

I see her search the room.

For me, I assume. I move behind Mason and hang my head low.

Please don’t see me. Don’t.

Because, Brynna, I can’t do this.

I thought I could.

I can’t.

Mason moves sideways and I automatically look up.

Brynna’s search is over. Our eyes meet.

Only briefly. But enough to hurt.

Her beauty is like a knife, cutting my heart and spilling thirteen years of love to the floor. Composure is a farce. Every day I struggle to maintain the façade, but today, I have clearly fallen.

I need to get out of here. I can’t look at her. I need air.

I look at Casey with a blank expression. Pointing to nowhere in particular, I say, “I, uh, uh, I…” My attempts to clear my throat are unsuccessful as it tightens. “I gotta go. Um, yeah, I have to go. Right now.”

Casey smiles to be polite, as if she knew this would happen.

Lauren, for once, speaks softly. “Adam, don’t. Please stay. Where are you gonna go?”

Somewhere. Anywhere but here.

I shake my head. “I just have to go. I will be right back.” I turn and practically run out the door to the back yard before tears hit my eyes. I’m such a pussy.

The cold air feels good against my cheeks. I breathe it in and push it out of my lungs. The weather-beaten gazebo looks like a good place to hide which is exactly what I want to do: hide. The old wood of the bench rattles when I sit down.

Stop! Stop! Stop! You don’t love her. You can’t love her. She loves him.

******************************

BRYNNA'S POV (yes, the girl) - (the formatting got a little weird here)

“You don’t get it, do you?” He buries his face in his hands for a few seconds and the looks up again. “This isn’t easy for me. I tried to walk away, Brynna. I tried. Because I knew. I KNEW it was gonna be hard. I mean I come here with this whole future planned out for me and then I meet you, you know? And it’s like everything changes. I mean I still have football and all that but you’re in my life now and that changes things. You have a lot of…”

He doesn’t finish.

“Baggage,” I finish for him.

“Don’t put words in my mouth,” he says angrily. “Not baggage. You have a lot of stuff going on. And people are riding me, you know, especially my mother. I just don’t think I should have to choose. You know, between football and you.” He swallows. “I shouldn’t have to choose. I mean why can’t I choose both? Why can’t I play football and be with you?”

“I never said you couldn’t.”

“I know. But if you weren’t sick, this wouldn’t be an issue.” He wipes his eyes. “People would get off my back.” When the last word leaves his mouth, he realizes what he’s said. He drops his head and mumbles a few bad words. “Sorry,” he whispers.

He slams the steering wheel with his hand. Then he bangs it three more times. Hard.

“I don’t know what I’m doing, Brynn,” he says. “I’ve never felt this way before. I just,” he takes my hand and squeezes it. “I just love you so much I can’t think of my life without you anymore. I don’t know what I’d do without you now. That’s crazy, I know.”

I’m gonna cry. I’ve done a pretty good job of avoiding it until now.

Beckett’s voice is somewhat broken and his tone sad and hopeful at the same time. “Brynna, I’m so in love with you. And before my life is over,” he physically turns my body to face his. “I promise to give you that lavender sky you want. And I’m gonna take you to Paris. And I promise, Brynn, when I become a doctor, I’m going to devote my life to fixing hearts so no one has to grow up with a broken heart anymore.”

So, yeah, I’m like sobbing now. Beckett is on the verge of crying but he’s doing a really good job not letting tears fall out of his wet eyes.

“Stop pushing me away, okay? I don’t want to go away. I want to be with you. And I get it. There’s gonna be some bad times. But Brynna, do you think MY life is gonna be all perfect? Things could happen with me, too, Brynna. Don’t be so selfish. The world doesn’t revolve around your heart.”

“Are you kidding?” I ask because I’m shocked.

Beckett laughs. “Yeah. A little.”

“Well.” I make my best poor me face. “Will you do one thing for me?” I ask in between breaths and sniffles.

“Anything.”

“Will you wear a Michigan shirt for me?”

“Never,” he answers practically before I finished the question.

And we laugh. Sort of. We're both faking a little to break the ice.

He pulls me in for a hug and I sob in his arms. I don’t know why, perhaps because I’m so happy and overwhelmed at the same time.

“I love you,” he says again.

As much as I love him, I don’t say it back. Not yet anyways.

***************************

her birthday, talking with her dad. (you should know Adam has a compulsion - it has to do with his shoe laces. you'll have to wait to read the whole thing ...when it's published, of course ;)

ADAM'S POV

“Kensington?” Mr. McKay turns the light on. I hold my hand up to shade my eyes from the bright lights. “What are you doing in here?”

Um.

“Oh. Just thinking, I suppose.”

Brynna’s dad knows me well enough to know why I am here – in the room – hiding.  Instead of leaving me alone, he walks in and sits down next to me. I really hope he doesn’t start asking me about Brynna. I can hope but I know he is going to.

“How are you these days?” He asks. Here we go.

“I’m good.” I don’t look at him. I reach down to untie my shoe and tie it again.

Tie. Untie. Tie. Untie. Tie. Un…

Mr. McKay whistles. “Shoe bothering you?”

I sit up, leaving my shoe untied.

“Adam, I know we’ve talked about this. But it’s game time, son. You’ve got to tell her before it’s too late.”

I want to die because he’s cracked the code.

He knows my secret.

“I-I-I,” I stutter. “W-well…”

Mr. McKay pats my leg.

“I like the quarterback, don’t get me wrong. He sure as hell makes her happy. You and I both know that. But Adam, don’t you think you owe to yourself to tell her?”

“No,” I mumble.

“Okay. Listen, I know you say everything is fine and you have a big smile on your face, but when I find you hiding out in Carter’s room playing with your god damned shoelaces, after just giving her a birthday present that brought tears to her eyes, I don’t know, Kens.” Kens. He likes to call me Kens when Kensington seems too impersonal and Adam too personal.

“Mr. McKay, she chose him. I don’t really see the point in saying anything now.” I stand. “So if it’s okay with you, I’ll just go home now.” 

“Kensington, it’s hard having a girl for a best friend, huh?”

“You got that right,” I say.

“One day she can be a big pain in the ass,” he says. I laugh. “And the next day, you look at her and she is the most beautiful thing you ever saw.”

I look at him.

And drop to my seat again.

“Adam, son, I just want to know – when was that day?”

My laces. The left shoe. It’s still untied.

“What day?”

“That day she changed. In your eyes.”

Without a pause, I say, “My tenth birthday. She wore a purple dress. And a purple ribbon in her hair. And lip gloss that made her lips all sparkly and shiny. But she still acted like a boy. And when I sat with her those two weeks in the hospital that same year. That pretty much secured it.”

I can’t fight it so I lean over and fix the laces of my left shoe.

“That’s a long time.”

“Yes, sir. But I have to say, she is the best friend a guy could ask for. I love her for that.”

Mr. McKay sighs. Then: “She loves you, you know.”

I pull the lace so hard it breaks. Shit.

“I know it’s not the way you want her to, but she does. You’re a big part of her life, Adam. Don’t forget that. If you ever feel insignificant, remember that she loves you.”

“Yes, sir. She loves me and she is in love with him.”

“Adam, the love may be in two different ways,” he says as he stands, “but I’d bet the farm that the level of love is the same.”

She loves us both.

She is our lavender girl and we are her lavender boys.